Tempting Job Application Responses
Job applications are annoying. Why not have fun with them?
5/29/20251 min read


As someone who has had more jobs than I can remember, I thought I would share some answers that I have been tempted to give to some questions I have seen on job applications.
Name: Mine, Yours
Date: My wife won’t let me,
Address: Gettysburg, “My Fellow Americans”, “Hello”
Age: Constantly since birth
Height: From Here to There
Weight: For how long?
Marital Status: Shaky
Awards: Presentations, annual, business, first prize in one-person, three legged race.
Certificates: Birth, death
Personal Information: Then, why are you asking? “I was born upstairs over a vacant lot. My mother had to work the night shift - - - - at a day care center. Since my mother was working two jobs, the neighbor lady gave birth to me. My dad didn’t seem to mind.”
Accomplishments: some, measurable, I can do this.
Goals: field, sales, monthly, quarterly, semi-annual (that’s a trucker’s year), annual
Employment: Not recently. That’s why I’m applying for this crummy job.
Education: Underwater mess-kit repair; Do-it-yourself Demolition (I was the first person in my neighborhood to be the last person in my neighborhood).
Bob Simpson
Comedy Variety Artist | Stand-Up Comedian | Balloon Twister
robertsimpson0607@gmail.com
(614) 460-1667
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